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katimus_prime) wrote2018-12-08 04:35 pm
katimus_prime) wrote2018-12-08 04:35 pm
Entry tags:
XS Drabble, "Log 1"
IP: Xenosaga
Characters Talking: Andrew Cherenkov
Warnings: Sad thirtysomething has existential dread, news at eleven
Setting: Very soon after Cherenkov joins U-TIC
"Hello, I guess.
The Commander recommended that I start recording personal logs. I don't remember ever having had the luxury of something like this before, so I admit that I don't really know what to do with this or how to start. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to talk to this recording device as if it's another person, or talk to it like I'm going to play it back for myself later. The Commander said that whatever I record is my personal property and that only I have access to while I'm here, but that makes me worry about what will happen to it once I'm no longer "here". I guess I'll just treat you like an invisible therapist for now, Recording Device.
I don't find myself interesting or valuable, but I do have a lot of practical knowledge that's easy to put to use. What I can do is direct people to organize better and enforce the rules put in place by my predecessors and try to get in as little trouble as I can manage. Once the trouble starts, it doesn't stop. The Commander knew this before taking me in and he seems to trust me with it despite what I'm dealing with, but I think his trust is misplaced. I'm not as strong as he thinks I am. I want to try to be the man he wants me to be, because I think I want to be that person, too, but I'm not sure if I can do it. There's just so little to work with.
There are a lot of very lucky young people here on Pleroma. Almost all of them are naturally born humans. I want to be able to tell them how lucky they are to have what they had at the start, but I'm afraid to even start the conversation. I both want and don't want to alienate all these new faces. I want to fail and remain a caged animal so I don't have to think for myself anymore, but I also want to be at the top and have people admire me. I guess I need to prioritize which is more important."
There's a noise from behind him.
"Looks like that's my queue to go. I'll talk to you later."
Characters Talking: Andrew Cherenkov
Warnings: Sad thirtysomething has existential dread, news at eleven
Setting: Very soon after Cherenkov joins U-TIC
"Hello, I guess.
The Commander recommended that I start recording personal logs. I don't remember ever having had the luxury of something like this before, so I admit that I don't really know what to do with this or how to start. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to talk to this recording device as if it's another person, or talk to it like I'm going to play it back for myself later. The Commander said that whatever I record is my personal property and that only I have access to while I'm here, but that makes me worry about what will happen to it once I'm no longer "here". I guess I'll just treat you like an invisible therapist for now, Recording Device.
I don't find myself interesting or valuable, but I do have a lot of practical knowledge that's easy to put to use. What I can do is direct people to organize better and enforce the rules put in place by my predecessors and try to get in as little trouble as I can manage. Once the trouble starts, it doesn't stop. The Commander knew this before taking me in and he seems to trust me with it despite what I'm dealing with, but I think his trust is misplaced. I'm not as strong as he thinks I am. I want to try to be the man he wants me to be, because I think I want to be that person, too, but I'm not sure if I can do it. There's just so little to work with.
There are a lot of very lucky young people here on Pleroma. Almost all of them are naturally born humans. I want to be able to tell them how lucky they are to have what they had at the start, but I'm afraid to even start the conversation. I both want and don't want to alienate all these new faces. I want to fail and remain a caged animal so I don't have to think for myself anymore, but I also want to be at the top and have people admire me. I guess I need to prioritize which is more important."
There's a noise from behind him.
"Looks like that's my queue to go. I'll talk to you later."