Fuck, I wish I could stop getting stuck in this self-doubt spiral. Nothing has meaning, and that's a good thing, because if it did, I'd be in deep fucking trouble. Tumblr has told me that to keep myself motivated is imperialistic and abusive, and like a dumbass, I listened to it, but I need that little unkind voice in the back of my head that says "Get up, Bambi" and "Reach for it even though you'll never get it." I'd never turn that self-defense mechanism on anything but myself, but I've found myself just lying down, and I don't like myself when I'm like that. I need to get up, even if I can't stay up. I might doubt my self-worth, but staying down will just make my doubts about my own worth reality. I may be a piece of shit, but I deserve to exist, even if it is just to spite those who tell me I don't deserve to.