katimus_prime: (Default)
Watchin Harvey with my grandpop, like I was doin 30 years ago.
katimus_prime: (Kain - ...)
Hahaha, the inferiority complex I got from my mom's sister's perfect family got a boost when my aunt re-posted a thing about something my mother never did making her kids stronger. I'm tempering this with the fact that there's not a whole lot of creativity on that side of the family and it's leaning very red, so, olly me the hell out. I don't need the lizard-brain pain.

I'm broken but I'm fucking glorious. Fuck you.
katimus_prime: (Digimon - That's Special)
Read more... )

TL;DR, watching Mr. Rogers all weekend was a relaxing experience aside from the antiquated reinforcement of the gender binary, but it's so hard to feel comfortable anywhere these days that I'm taking in my good energy where I can get it.
katimus_prime: (Betheal - Scroll)
I didn't wanna hork this up all over the bigger, faster, flashier social media platforms, so I'm gonna hide this here instead.

Read more... )
katimus_prime: (Dune - FUCK YEARH!)
This is the most edgelord idea I've come up with in a long time.

FFXV Spoilers

Read more... )
katimus_prime: (Default)
I'm too old and have no more time for negativity in my life so I'm going to put my dumb ideas here for now.

So far on the plate:
Ardynquest (to the tune of Brodyquest)
Dude, Where's My Arm? (A mock advertisement for DLC in which you play as Ravus waking up from being blackout drunk. He is less his Magitek arm and the object of the game is to find it (and run around scenic Niflheim in the process).
katimus_prime: (Albedo - PONY!)
And then sometimes there are days when Soraya Saga likes my Jojo fanart and I get so happy.
katimus_prime: (Kain - Baa-urrr)
I may have accidentally looked like a bot got ahold of my account when I went to scrounge around for crafting materials last time I was on Work Game at home. May have accidently ruffled someone's feathers. I regret interacting with any other human. This never would have happened if i were playing Dragonquest 4.
katimus_prime: (Dale Cooper)
Sorting through almost 15k files of old art from 1998-2012, I've realized that I always try to RP as the white-haired sweetheart and end up miserable because I've been too nice to everyone to say no. I'm always swinging between being too nice and closing everyone completely off.
katimus_prime: (Kahr)
Fuck, I wish I could stop getting stuck in this self-doubt spiral. Nothing has meaning, and that's a good thing, because if it did, I'd be in deep fucking trouble. Tumblr has told me that to keep myself motivated is imperialistic and abusive, and like a dumbass, I listened to it, but I need that little unkind voice in the back of my head that says "Get up, Bambi" and "Reach for it even though you'll never get it." I'd never turn that self-defense mechanism on anything but myself, but I've found myself just lying down, and I don't like myself when I'm like that. I need to get up, even if I can't stay up. I might doubt my self-worth, but staying down will just make my doubts about my own worth reality. I may be a piece of shit, but I deserve to exist, even if it is just to spite those who tell me I don't deserve to.
katimus_prime: (Kahr)
"Imagine that, instead of a childhood filled with sensory touch and running around playing, all you had of your perception of the world was your place in the center of Krelian's main laboratory, facing all the parts of your body-to-be in progress while being brought up to speed in your education with knowledge injections. There is no sense of warmth or cold because you've never remembered not being warm. You are not only wanted, but awaited, and beloved by people you don't even know yet. Imagine all of that ending with a pull of a chord, and your first sensation of cold hitting you as the warm nanomachine atmosphere you've been suspended in the first ten years of your life pulls you down with it as it drains out."
katimus_prime: Lyrics from Covenant: https://youtu.be/yBS6WaS0Sfk (Cherenkov - Brave New World)
This post is dumb and boring, but I feel really good and at peace with myself right now, and I haven't felt this way in a long time. It's really nice. I think the last time I was this happy was on my wedding day, but this is just lasting background peace. I keep on waiting for it to wear off, but it doesn't seem to be going away.

I think I'm going to soak in as much good feels as I can just in case it does, though.
katimus_prime: (Pellegri - Bananaphone)
So, the position above me I wanted (or thought I wanted) wasn't in a position to be fulfilled, but I'm officially getting moved back to the game testing side in October! I'm excited to be unchained from the mid-level drudgery of trying to figure out ways of teaching monkeys how API works between doing standardized tests that are as granular as "hover over this link," and being asked to write legal document bugs that will never, ever, ever be fixed, because how dare I even look that close at something like that?
katimus_prime: (Betheal - Scroll)
I thought I'd list out some of the things that got ruined by my college drama, in the hopes that it might focus me on getting some of them back. This list might get longer as time passes.

Theology
- Old people calling me an angel when I'm sweet to them
- Jesus Christ Superstar

Songs
- Wumpscut - We Need
- VNV Nation - Beloved (original cut)
- Anything by Evanescence, especially Bring Me to Life

Graphical
- Any affinity for cursive script used in icons or forum graphics

Recurring Dreams
- I'm trapped on a beach with [redacted] and instead of getting to play in the water or the sand, I'm there to lug the stupid amount of uneccessary luggage.
katimus_prime: Lyrics from Covenant: https://youtu.be/yBS6WaS0Sfk (Cherenkov - Brave New World)
It's really hard for me to un-learn that my friends don't just like me for my art or my writing. For a long time, I only liked me for my art and my writing, too. I have a scrolling combat text addon in my head that just ticks down my self-worth every time I make a decision that alters my fandom routine.

"Worthless"
"Worthless"
"Worthless"
"Worthless"
"Worthless"
"Selfish"
"Selfish"
"Selfish"
"Selfish"
"Selfish"
"No one cares about this"
"You're ruining everything"
"You're ruining everything"
"You're ruining everything"
"You're ruining everything"
katimus_prime: (Default)
So, uh, that felt good. -w-
I think I'm gonna ease up on the FF7 silence stuff.
katimus_prime: (Dune - FUCK YEARH!)
Title: Days Since Last Incident
Fandom: FF7
Continuity: Stripes
Warnings: Physical violence, business suits


Read more... )
katimus_prime: (Nanami - DJ Nanami)
Ugh, why is my sense of self-perception so complicated?!

Solitary

Sep. 9th, 2015 09:17 pm
katimus_prime: Lyrics from Covenant: https://youtu.be/yBS6WaS0Sfk (Cherenkov - Brave New World)
Something I never realized is how much of a rash Tumblr has given me from squeezing me so close together with the opinions of people I adore but don't agree with. Lots and lots of talented, wonderful people, and the social expectation of having to spend x amount of time in each and everyone's head, carefully reading all of their headcanons I have varying degrees of disagreements with, has driven me insane.

In one hand, this is a good thing, because I've finally been able to act on my level of discomfort with FF7, which has been a stone around my neck for at least a decade. On the other hand, it's kind of sad to realize that I'm comfortable with bigger barriers between myself and my non-immediate friend circle.

I certainly don't want to be cut off forever from my friends, but I don't want to be so close that I can't express how much I disagree with them, but don't want to risk or waste the day to write an argument over public interbutt space with someone I otherwise admire.

The same thing happened when I was growing up with my best friend Kelly at the time. We were so close that we were in each others' heads half the time, but when we both started developing different opposing opinions, it was too comfortable to be close anymore. Even though I've patched things up with Kelly, it took years and a complete break away from her to realize how and why things got bad.

TL;DR, Tumblr made me forget that I like having a space where there's nobody there but me.

June 2017

S M T W T F S
    123
45678910
11121314151617
1819 2021222324
252627282930 

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 27th, 2017 06:52 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios